Peonie & Me...x

By Renee Christel Rispin x

Sunday, 31 May 2015

My birth story - Part 2 - the debrief x

Below is my birth story, part 2.  Last week I attended a debrief to help come to terms with my labour following a traumatic birth and subsequent panic attacks.  Read part one here...
Henry at 3 days old x

It's 04.10 on Friday morning and I'm giving Little Monkey his nightly feed. Snug in the crook of my arm, his little hands wrapped around mine, I feel overwhelming love for the little guy. I can't believe that he will be 2 months old next week. Time really does fly...

But is time a healer? Today my husband and I will be visiting the Liverpool Women's for my labour debrief. A hospital consultant will take us through the events of birth in the hope that it will fill in the gaps in my memory. It should also help me come to terms with the sequence of events and aid my emotional recovery.

The questions that plagues me are, could I have done anything more to have avoided a C Section?  Am I a failure for not having a vaginal birth and should I have refused drugs?  These are the numerous questions that run through my mind post birth.

Thankfully my Husband has taken the morning off work, his support has been incredible and hopefully together we can close this chapter in our lives and move on.

Following our visit...

Today was just what the doctor ordered, or in this case, the midwife.  I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I now understand the term 'Closure'.  I'm finally putting my labour and birth behind me and with confidence knowing I did everything I could to welcome Henry into the world.

Our consultant was a lovely maternity specialist that put us at ease straight away.  Armed with our notes, she took us through step by step my pregnancy, induction, labour, C Section and recovery.  She was amazed that I had not only gone full term with SPD, but also gone almost 2 weeks over my due that with the pains.  So for that I gave myself a pat on the back.

Next she praised me on how well I had done during the induction process, getting 10cm dilated in a progressive amount of time.  Talking through the time frame of events it all came back to me.  Even the nice parts that I forgotten about.  Reading a magazine in the bath, meeting the lovely midwifery staff and watching Ben trying to sleep in the birth pool (with no water).

Despite what I thought was a traumatic 2 days, Little Monkey stayed content and happy in my belly throughout. Henry was non the wiser that I was going through so much pain with my SPD and induction drip.

Then we got to the part I was dreading...the C Section...

As I knew it was coming I started to cry and felt incredibly overwhelmed by the information that was about to come. However I needn't had been.  After pushing for just under 2 hours, Henry's nose turned, which made it impossible for him to come out on his own.  That was the point when I had done everything I could have to had a vaginal delivery.  This was what I needed to hear to put to rest my self doubts and anxiety over everything.  I couldn't have done more...music to my ears.

My little man was just too content inside his Mummy.  He was 12 days overdue, turned at the last moment of being born and then became very stubborn when the surgeon tried to ease him out with forceps.  So they had to go in to pull the new love of my life out.  There was nothing I could have done...sorry it feels great writing that.

So there you have it.  My complete birth story finally.  If dear reader you have ever gone through a traumatic birth, I fully recommend the debrief.  It has been a mini godsend to me and my family and I have to say, I left the hospital with a spring in my step x 
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