By Renee Christel Rispin x

Tuesday, 10 November 2015

My son hates me - the Mummy guilt edition x

"Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation".
Khalil Gibran

Its Monday evening and Henry is all cuddled up on my knee, having his final bottle of the day.  His little eyes are fluttering and his little hands are closed together as if in his own little prayer.  I love watching his gorgeous little face and kissing his cute little nose, while he drinks away his beloved milk.

I do this most nights, but tonight is different.  As tomorrow my little guys life is about to change as he takes a big leap into nursery life.  My mat leave has come to an abrupt end and come Monday I have to return to my full time job.  So I'm enjoying this blissful moment and cuddling him closer to me as he feels safe in my arms.
Before he hated me x
Fast forward to Tuesday evening...My son hates me.  He won't make eye contact, he won't laugh at my silly faces and won't even acknowledge my peek-a-boo antics.  My 7 month old has become a difficult teen, withholding his smiles, kisses and usual teddy bear like hugs.  To him I abandoned him.  Instead of our usual fun filled days of "row row row your boat," playing with the hanger (remote, iPhone or nappy cream) & "this little piggy", have been rudely replaced with nursery.  Instead of his Mummy's familiar face, he had new faces (some little, some big), new smells (some nice, mostly bad) and new toys (not made by Apple). 

I know what you are thinking, how awful a time did Henry have at nursery?  Well that's the thing, he had a great old time.  On arrival we were greeted by so many smiles from staff and children and we took a spot on the floor amongst the babies and toys.  Whilst I filled in some forms, Henry made friends with the other Henry's & Harry's (I told my husband it was a common name) and everything was rosy.  I then kissed him goodbye (he was smiling) and went to my local coffee bar to cry in the corner.  I called just under an hour later to see how he was doing & apparently he was rolling around happy.  

2 hours later I arrived to pick him up and there nestled amongst the other babies, was my sleeping little boy.  Enjoying his nap time under the dimmed lights and twinkle twinkle little star lullaby. Now I forgot to mention, Henry missed out on his morning nap, so must have been exhausted.  & here I was waking him up when he'd only slept for 10 minutes.  

So I'm hoping that his grumpy demeanour and "I hate you Mummy" snubs were in fact signs of sleep deprivation.  & not (dare I utter it) separation anxiety.  It didn't help that when my husband returned home, Henry returned to his usual self and was playful, super cute and full of smiles for his Daddy.  Just proving that he did in fact hate me and it was all my fault.

Little Monkey has another taster session later in the week & thankfully in the afternoon.  I'm going to ensure he is all napped out and smothered in cuddles before hand.  Stay tuned to see whether its "not me mummy, its you" x 

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